30 Bollywood Jokes Every Indian Must Read Right Now

If something is as religiously followed as cricket in India, it is the Bollywood. Be it genres, high drama, set pieces, impossible stunts or music, the cult of Indian cinema, in all its glory through its mainstream Hindi and regional outreach, is nurtured by millions of Indians who are deeply invested in it.

Having said that, it is also the butt of some of the best (worst) jokes you will ever read. Nothing is sacred, everyone's a fair target.

See for yourself:


1. Sorry rabba.

and then she was like iss pyaar ko kya naam duun bechain dil ko kaise aaram dun and rabba was like yeh puchne ke liye chaalis baar bulaya.

— Denver Ka Dhakkan (@tantanoo) December 11, 2015

2. Yes please.

Gabbar:nach basanti
Veeru:basanti in kutton k samne mat nachna
G:basanti nach
V:naaai basanti mat nachna
G:basanti naaach
Basanti:untag me

— Bakwas Rider (@BakwasRadio) April 12, 2016

3. Where's my calculator?

Venn diagram of 'Nainon mein sapna, sapnein mein sajna'. pic.twitter.com/3nBiZ47T

— Avinash Iyer (@IyerAvin) February 11, 2013

4. Very sad.

Arijit Singh's songs are so romantic that you miss your lover even if you never had a lover.

— Pakchikpak Raja Babu (@HaramiParindey) April 6, 2015

5. Dammmnnn.

Breaking news : Katrina Kaif was severely injured in an upcoming movie while doing impossible stunts like giving an expression.

— P. (@SocialBitterfly) September 19, 2014

6. Hardwork pays off!

Miley Cyrus in a still from her auditions for Manjhi, The Mountain Man. pic.twitter.com/TJDDZdZ9fK

— Sand-d Singh (@Sand_In_Deed) August 24, 2015

7. All.

Which is that Imtiaz Ali movie where a couple have fun together but are unsure about their feelings & there's a lot of travelling involved?

— Football Hater (@Sychlops) September 22, 2015

8. Sanskaar maxxx.

In a Sooraj Barjatya film:
Bae: Come over
Prem: A lil busy now
Bae: My parents are home
Prem: Will be there in 5 with my parents

— Avinash Iyer (@IyerAvin) May 22, 2015

9. Every goddamn video ever.

Youtube has employed one guy whose job is to comment "I'm from Pakistan but I love this song from India" on every Bollywood Song.

— Aladdin (@Alllahdin) November 4, 2015

10. Resemblance is uncanny.

Kuch bhi ho sakta hai. jai ho :) pic.twitter.com/YTGuQnb4EV

— RoflGandhi 3rd Class (@RoflGandhi_) December 16, 2015

11. Truth.

Pic 1: Pan card.
Pic 2: Matrimonial site. pic.twitter.com/mIJIk5l14j

— Chikoo (@TweetErrant) June 30, 2015

12. Same.

Back in the 90s, Sonu Nigam and Falguni Pathak were the same person. pic.twitter.com/mz7maKzmNO

— Akshar (@AksharPathak) October 26, 2015

13. Never playing Prince of Persia again.

Prince of Persia starring Salman Khan
pic.twitter.com/PxBVGeDgEY

— inGenious (@Bees_Kut) February 17, 2015

14. YAS.

Movies are so unrealistic.
Hrithik was using his computer to access the alien ship and not once been asked if he want to upgrade adobe.

— Godman Chikna (@Madan_Chikna) December 28, 2013

15. On point.

Hum Aapke Hain Kaun is so epic, there's an emoji dedicated to it. pic.twitter.com/4kbFw1BbKn

— Mihir (@mihirmodi) June 21, 2014

16. And some life lessons.

Things to learn from Bollywood.
1. Don't lose hope. Abhishek Bachchan got Aishwarya.
2. Don't be over confident. Even Hrithik got dumped.

— maithun poor (@Being_Humor) March 18, 2015

17. And the award for the best joke goes to...

Hollywood - And the Oscar goes to
Bollywood - And the Sansui Colors Stardust Pan Parag Amba TMT Saria AsliMasaleSachSachMDHMDH Award goes to

— ubercoolosis. (@ubercoolosis) January 10, 2016

18. Maa ke haath ka khaana <3

Chahe #Oscars ho ya school, mumma me tiffin box pack kiya hai to le ke to jaana hi padega... pic.twitter.com/VGhUVBnG8n

— The-Lying-Lama (@KyaUkhaadLega) February 29, 2016

19. Have to ketchup on jokes.

What is the Big B's favourite ketchup? pic.twitter.com/3vyQn757NZ

— Manas (@Spooferman_) February 10, 2015

20. Will try this next time.

Air hostess: Sir tea or coffee ?
Me: Chai pls...
Air Hostess: Lo chai....
Me: ulfat ho gaya...

*Runs towards emergency exit*

— The-Lying-Lama (@KyaUkhaadLega) July 25, 2014

21. :'(

GF: Make me wet
Suraj Barjatya: Bade Bauji ab nahi rahe

— अंकित (@indiantweeter) November 13, 2015

22. Madhur Bhandarkar will call this joke a joke.

Some people copy tweets from others. Pritam copies music from others. But Madhur Bhandarkar is the first man who copies his own films.

— Sagarcasm (@sagarcasm) July 2, 2015

23. Relatable.

When you are going on a trip to Goa with family pic.twitter.com/qsPWt4GKW9

— Billoo (@MohitParmarr) May 27, 2015

24. Our genres are the best.

Bollywood movie genres:
Romantic Comedy
Romantic Action
Romantic Drama
Romantic Horror
Romantic True Story
Romantic Patriotic

— Rajat (@Extranaut) November 17, 2013

25. Lol.

I am all like jaati hun main and traffic is like jaldi hai kya

— Denver Ka Dhakkan (@tantanoo) January 2, 2014

26. Same.

Me talking about my crush when he isn't looking pic.twitter.com/x2LrTWjAYw

— glistening placenta (@AccioBae) September 29, 2014

27. Cab drivers have zero chills.

Just did the hand-out-of-taxi-to-feel-the-rain thing from Wake Up Sid and cabbie yelled at me saying "PEHLE BOLNE KA NA RIGHT LENA HAI"

— Crapo (@Creepowoman) June 24, 2013

28. Oh man.

Lets take a moment to acknowledge the oddity of Akshay Kumars shaved armpits in this movie.Boat party anyone? pic.twitter.com/Ei8f4aQMQa

— Purva (@thatobesewoman) March 1, 2015

29. Aaaaand...

Jackie Shroff's dog is Scoobhidu.

— k (@krazyfrog) April 5, 2016

30. ... I'm out of here.

Airhostess Sonu Nigam: "Kripya dhyan dein. Aapatkaleen stithi me vimaan ke pichle bhaag mein do dwaar mil rahein hain, magar chupke chupke."

— Akshar (@AksharPathak) February 5, 2016

Until next time.

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